August 19

I saw the twins for the first time since delivery this morning. Jenny wasn't feeling well enough to leave her bed. I walked down with a nurse. Banner morning, momentous, but I was overwhelmed, tired, unsure of what or how to feel. Hadn't eaten in forever, didn't want to eat. Worried about Jenny.

I had to scrub up my arms and hands with some red surgical soap. The soap was the color of blood. The brush had thin, sharp bristles on one side and a sponge on the other. The nurse supervised my scrubbing. Had to be two minutes. Then it was off into the NICU.

Luna is in one room, Stella a room down the hall. Both are on the same equipment. They're on ventillators and feeding tubes. They're bundled up. They wear tiny blood pressure cuffs and various stickers with wires attached to monitor different aspects of their bodily function. The nurse told me everything, but it's a blur now.

The isolets are like domed cribs. The dome is plexiglass, and clear. There are two holes on either side. The holes have doors on them. To touch the kids, you have to open a door. The nurses typically open two doors and work on the kids with two hands at once.

Later in the day, my folks came by the hospital. I took them to see Jenny, and then I took them to see the twins. They had to go in one at a time with me.

I was worried about how my folks would react. Nothing like this has ever happened to anyone in my family. First, twins. Then the news it was "mono-mono" twins. Then the early delivery. Now the long hard slough in the hospital. The docs told me it would be 2-3 months. That suprised me, but I guess it should not have.

Later in the day I wheeled Jenny down to the NICU and she got to see the twins for the first time. I positioned the chair next to the isolet. A nurse lowered the bed a little bit, for each twin, for Jenny to see clearly. She touched the plexiglass. She talked to them.

Jenny's doing okay, but it's been rough on her. She did not want the pregnancy to end this way. Hoping she's going to be all right, and I'm planning on sleeping in the room again tonight, on the couch under the window. My folks have agreed to take Tallulah again. They'll stay at a hotel. Tomorrow Jenny's dad comes in from Kansas City.