Skin to Skin

August 28. Jenny got to hold Luna this afternoon! It was a first. Grandma Ruthie was there, just flew in. The nurse took about ten minutes to disconnect and reconnect some wires, then gently lifted Luna out of the open isolet and placed her on Jenny's chest. Jenny opened her blouse slightly; Luna snuggled in against her chest, and then the two of them were wrapped up in blankets....I held them, but briefly. I'm worried I'm getting sick because my whole body aches, but I think it's just fatigue. Still keeping my distance.

I haven't seen Jenn this happy since the twins were born.

Both the twins now off the ventillators and seemed to have stabilized. No word yet on the ultrasound, but we are taking some heart in that they're stable. Lots of peeing going on now, which is a big deal.....Later in the day Jenny got to hold Stella, too -- but not skin to skin. (pictured)


The fact that the girls have been stable has done a couple of things. First, my body feels utterly different than it did a few days ago. The whole contraption is relaxing. Too much, almost. I'm walking around with mild nausea, and in a strange way, I want to feel like I did a few days ago, alert and tense, ready to pounce. Secondly, it's made us optimistic, even a little high. No drama for few days, small progress, small hope that the bleed won't turn out bad for Luna. How bad can it be if the blood pressure and everything else is normal? I don't want to feel to happy, that's what I keep telling myself. It's ludicrous, but that's what I feel. I want to feel miserable so that I'll either be ready for the next round of challenging news or I'll be truly elated when we get good news.

Jenny held Luna for about an hour, talked to her, grinned.....She told me a few days ago that she woke up and decided to quit feeling sorry herself.

My notes are scattered, a mess. It's all numbers about blood gas and oxygen intake and beats per minutes, etc. That's all you end up thinking about, numbers. We need better numbers.