Milestones

Oct. 3. If the twins had not arrived early, at 27 weeks, they would have likely been delivered two nights ago, an evening that marks the 34th week of their development. A milestone.

So we have made it this far. Without much to do it other than what we manage to believe we can do, what we manage to do every waking hour, to the best of our know-how.

Another milestone -- Estella has hit 3 pounds. Stella! Stella! That's big news. 3 pounds is a lot different than 2 pounds. The number three, in the mouth, literally sounds larger, feels larger. And the image you might get in your head from a 3 pound baby is somehow much larger and more comforting than a 2 pound baby....Luna remains at 2.5 pounds.

And while that is good, it's been a tough few days. Jenny has been sick. Very sick. A tough cold, which has robbed her of her voice. She speaks hoarsely, and it's like a different person standing there. The voice I am so used to hearing coming out of her mouth is gone. It's disconcerting.

But what's worse is to know that she can not, under any circumstances, visit the NICU now. We can't take any chances. For a few reasons. First, if she transfers the cold virus to a twin, it could endanger the life of the twin. Secondly, if she sees them, and then a twin develops an infection, Jenny won't be able to live with herself.

As hard as it is, she hasn't gone to the hospital in three days. It's been all Tallulah time. But Tallulah is sick, too.

I am not going to get sick. Period. In times like these, I have this peculiar ability. I will not get sick. I will get sick later. I will not get sick.

So I've been the only one seeing them, getting the updates...and holding them. For the first time, last night, I got to hold Luna. But not only my second born; I also got to hold Stella, with Luna, one gal in each arm.

Stella's got a big, round head, and she's heavier than her older sister. But ole Luna, although smaller, has a more intriguing face, at this stage of development. Her head is more narrow, but the eyes and the mouth are unusually expressive. What the personality is, I can't yet find the words to describe. Dare I say there is something wise about sweet little Luna's expressions? The wide, knowing eyes? The dubious, whimsical lips? The amused demeanor? I don't know. It's likely me trying to find something in her small face, some sense of life. But maybe not. Maybe, crazy at it sounds, a human being at such an age, without the cognitive ability, can be someone, can have spunk, can make a mark.

She certainly made a mark on me. As she did on Pops and Gran, who came to see them this afternoon. Pops took lots of photos, and I snapped some shots of the grandparents huddled around the isollettes. Gran took a moment to hold Stella's hand, which was touching, my lovely mother gently grasping the fingers of her grandchild, so tenderly, so much in awe. Click click click went my camera in my hands.

And poor Jenny at home! I wish it didn't have to be this way. But we must be safe.