Infection

Just when you think things are going smoothly, more trouble. Luna's got an infection.

The infection -- they're common, but not good. One of the nurses had noticed Luna looking lethargic; and she had been having numerous episodes of apnea, where she stops breathing. When this happens, you can look up at the monitor and see her oxygen levels plummet. 90%....85%....70%....40%...And the goddamn thing is ringing like a slot machine. Ding, ding, ding. The nurse goes quiet, won't look at you. Makes you sit up in your chair, or in my case, stand up and pace.

What next? Get in their and do CPR, I want to say. On a baby that size? Wouldn't we crush it? I've pictured myself delicately compressing her chest with two fingers and blowing into her mouth. No, the nurses then have to “stimulate” Luna, which means massaging her and patting her back and shaking her, coaxing her to breathe again. They make some adjustments on the machines flooding air into her, through long pipes. They’ve stopped with the nasal canula and gone back to C-Pap, and they’ve set that breathing device to “push” more air into her lungs with each inhalation.

They have also taken some more blood. When they take blood, they take it out of Luna’s heel. Right now it's the only place on her body with fat. I’ve watched it several times. They bare Luna’s miniature foot into the air and poke it with a syringe, the metal thin as a spider thread. A little blood comes into a tiny stout bottle, which the nurse has to thump or flick continually so that the blood doesn’t clot.

I watched them do this to Luna and then sat in the nursing chair in the room for a good two hours until the docs came back with the results. ‘Abnormal.’

Abnormal. A good word for a teenager to hear when receiving criticism about a poem he’s written; not a good word to hear from your doc when you’re talking about your month old daughter’s blood.

Friday will be critical. Is the infection in the blood or in the stomach? Evidence seems to point towards the blood, which isn’t great, but much better than intestines. They’ve begun to pump her with antibiotics. A nurse told me last thing this afternoon – ‘You’ll have a different baby by tomorrow afternoon.’ What they’re suggesting is that the antibiotics work quickly. We can only hope.

I spent a little time in the evening, in the dark, hunched over Luna's isolette, just staring down at her. Really I think she is going to be all right. In the panorama of problems, this could be thought of as minor. But she has come so far, and done so well, that part of me thinks our luck could not possibly continue. It worried me, I have to say. She was very still, only her ribs moving with each assisted breath. The nurses always commented about her spunk, her fieriness. They've seen none of that today. I walked off and doused my hands with disinfectant and then went back to the isolette and opened one of the small rounds doors. I reached in with one hand (not the hand with my wedding band on it b/c I'm worried I can't clean it free of germs) and fished her hand out of the blankets and waited a few moments until she clenched my finger. Good luck, kid.